14 Mā 2021
Did you ever wake up in the morning and have a song or lyrics or a melody that wouldn’t stop playing looping over and over in your mind? Well guess what ? I have.
The skies are not cloudy all day. And they are, have been and according to the weather gurus, will be for the better part of the next ten (10) days or so.
Today when I awoke the thought of ‘cloudy all day’ AND ‘I ain’t seen the sunshine since I don’t know when’ (sorry Mrs Spinelli) were meshing, blending together lines missing with gaps and overlaps that my head started to hurt so bad I can only THINK that I was having a migraine.
I reached for my antidepressants on my night table and the vial was empty.
The panic that set in was so overwhelming, I couldn’t think straight enough to even consider developing a plan.
Then I had a THOUGHT which I thought was another adventure as close to brilliance as I had gotten in some time.
I could perform a sacrifice.
Which would it be?
The dog or the cat?
I would never own a cat and the dog died right after Julia so my sudden plan for brilliance and a solution evaporated like the Hindenburg.
As it was approaching 9:00am, I rang up my therapist fully expecting talking to either her receptionist or at the very least the machine.
Well I was wrong again for the third time already this day.
‘Why Hi Andrew!! How can I help you today?’
I fiercely dislike her calling me ‘Andrew’ and she KNOWS it.
‘I am out of my happy pills and disjointed music keeps playing and my head feels like a gluten-free protein shake in a Waring blender and I just don’t know how much longer I can take it.’
‘Well, first turn off the radio and tell me which ones you were taking.’
‘They were a light blue gel cap I think.’ (I didn't have any left and who keeps track of the color of the pills they take? I am thinking only an artist would do such a thing.)
‘Ah. Those are good but I’ll phone in another prescription to your pharmacy for the red gummies. That should work for you. Is there anything else? Did you turn off the radio?’
I looked out the window and it was raining.
I picked up a paper and this headline caught my eye …
Talk about getting caught with one’s pants around the ankles.
I wonder if I can get into grad school at THEE Ohio State University?
Why couldn’t I find a therapist like that?
Should I keep looking and hoping ?
These are the kind of questions I can ponder today, tomorrow and even next week WHILE IT IS RAINING !!!
