MMXIX Turd/J 8

Rogelio Herbert just on board reaching out in my sparkling new position of film critique here at the cloud. Allow me to introduce myself. My parents Caribbean and Cajun so occasionally I get confused and no, Roger is NOT for short as it is pronounced Row-HE-lee-oh Her-BERT. Any resemblance to the deceased film critic partnered with Eugene Cisco is purely coincidental.

The first of the three (3) most recent films reviewed at the cloud of late were one bust and two near busts so my NEW JOB is here to explain.

The Expanse

Concept setting Sci-fi network original series 200 years in the future and the solar system, ours, has been colonized. Are YOU yawning yet?

Well, you WILL.

There is a war being waged between Earth, Mars and factions in between. The asteroid belt is being mined for resources. Slow moving to say the least. Star ship explosions and battles will appeal to the third grader in you OR the Star Wars freak. Characters are all human, no recognizable names and the whole thing fails to launch.

I finished the first season strictly using it as background (can I say ‘white’?) noise for following too closely would have converted me to a trekkie or a third grader. The pace is so slow after recapping the entire first season and asking self ‘what happened’ the answer was nada.

I would casually look for and check out season 2 if I found it however I doubt I would actively search or even watch more intently. I also doubt I would be hugely heartbroken OR use ILL to obtain for viewing. Actively seeking, hunting it down or tracking (think STALKING) not for me. YOU certainly can and will do as you like.

The Expanse … 1 star point.

London Spy

Intriguing title that falls absolutely flat. Unless you are comfortable watching two adult males holding hands, giving pecks and sensitive intimate inter-male communications not related to football or fantasy football. A ‘premium’ channel mini-series, when I checked on line for reviews found an overwhelming 91% actually LIKED it. Rotten tomatoes or some such nonsense. A sad testament on something but not sure what. I will leave that to the therapists or sociologists.

London Spy … NO merit or redeeming value so forget about it. One episode (partial) and done. I filled up the brown airline bag.

Fortitude

A little better series but started again like bustomada. Episode 1, season 1 was gut wrenching and hurl-worthy but I checked out S1 and S2 so dropped in S2 later and it was considerably better but only marginally. This is NOT recommended winter viewing as Fortitude is a city in the Arctic, a scientific research station and think ‘with issues’.

The musical score is good. Some of the bar scenes are what one might expect and the characters are real and believable. It apparently is a large international research site so some of the scientists have odd & peculiar accents like Norwegian, Danish and British which adds to the authenticity.

Dennis Quaid as an alcoholic fishing boat captain that sells his boat and cheats on his wife boinking the lady Norwegian governor so by now you should be getting the picture. Hey, what else can one do in the Arctic ?

Toss in a series of murders caused by a genetically-mutating parasite carried a wasp, the insect NOT the social demographic, and causes all sorts of psychological and mental aberrations. One of which is regeneration of tissue and greatly increased strength.

One killer collects body parts after drinking reindeer urine that are feed ‘mushrooms’ intentionally and rampages. He murders a dude in the shower and cuts out his heart. Of course very graphic, bloody and had me reaching for another airline bag.

If you dig inter-racial coitus, convoluted affairs, cheating, bloody murders, raw guts, polar bear entrails spilling out, gore such as beheading and dismemberment and boozing inspired events, this is the movie for you.

As happens with such ‘loaners’ the dvd had tracking issues on S2, E8 so I missed a little or MAYBE SOMETHING. Maybe not. Both audio AND the video would intermittently go horrid and come back. Under normal conditions this would be maddening but here now, with this form and type of entertainment, who cares for it doesn’t matter. Keeping things in a proper perspective, it’s all fiction, faux and fake otherwise. Not a big deal.

FORTITUDE … 2/3 star AFTER S1,E1. White noise/one eye only. S1,E1 a totally revolting, disgusting and actually disturbing waste of precious time.

RH out.